Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
