He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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