You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
