Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Randomize
