is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
