Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i think my mom watched the whole time
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
