I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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