Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Someone signed my nipple.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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