when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Life is so much better after having sex.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
