im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
