In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
