Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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