He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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