Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
