Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
