What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
