we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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