I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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