Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
