i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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