she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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