i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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