I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
