Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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