We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
