I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
