Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just high enough for therapy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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