Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
