he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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