My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
