Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
