it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
