So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
