Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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