i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
