alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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