I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
