I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
