My room smells like vodka and shame
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
