Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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