A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
