You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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