I didn't shave. On purpose
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
