All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
