All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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