I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
