We got so high we made milksteak
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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