She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
