He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
