i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
