Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I cut my penus on the lid.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
