Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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