things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
