Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
