I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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