just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
