I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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